Imagine you and your close friends enjoying a fabulous holiday party. There’s laughter, great food, and music in the background. Suddenly, a stranger stands at the doorway. Everything seems to stop as all eyes focus on the person.
The stranger doesn’t enter the room. They just stand there. You and your friends attempt to return to the fun you were having, but something or someone is keeping you from re-entering that previous feeling of happiness.
Like the presence of a stranger at a party, the feeling of unforgiveness after an abortion hangs in the doorway of your mind and your heart. It’s not a part of your current life, but it’s still present. A gnawing sense that something has changed.
Experiencing Forgiveness
“I regret my decision, and if I could go back, I wouldn’t have made it. I feel like the reasons I had are now so stupid and insignificant. I feel like I wasn’t in a good headspace to actually have made that decision. I would give anything to go back and change my decision. Does anyone else feel this way?” An Anonymous Reddit User Regarding Her Decision to Have an Abortion
As you see, feeling regret over the decision to have an abortion is not uncommon, but it’s what you do about that regret that brings forgiveness. You can remain entrenched in regret, anguish, and self-hatred, but that won’t bring the outcome you are looking for.
You cannot change the past. What is done is done, but there is a path to self-forgiveness. Here are some steps you can take:
Step One: Journaling
Begin by journaling your thoughts and emotions about your abortion experience. Reflecting on the choice and putting it in writing makes it real. It’s no longer a wandering thought. On paper, it is an event that happened in your past.
Step Two: Understanding Guilt and Shame
Some people believe guilt and shame are two distinct emotions. It seems easier to accept guilt rather than feel shame. Guilt says, “I did something bad,” but shame says, “I am bad.”
Others see shame as a natural response to feeling guilty. It isn’t wrong to feel shame, but making it your identity is unhealthy. As one author writes, “When you can view your behaviors not as life sentences, but as decisions you made, then you can choose to support or release those decisions.”
Step Three: Accepting Grief
Your experience is unique and personal to you. Your emotions are valid, and no one can tell you how to grieve, but know that grief and relief can coexist.
You can feel relief from the guilt and shame, but moments of grief may still pop up. It’s vital to understand that it’s okay to feel grief. Healing is a journey.
Stop Replaying the Decision
Reliving your choice to have an abortion does nothing to help you move forward. When those painful thoughts come to mind, stop and take a deep breath. Shift your attention and your mind away from the rumination.
Remind yourself that your decision to have an abortion does not define who you are as a person.
Step Four: Seek Support From Others
Research suggests that one in four women will have had an abortion by the time they are 45. That means there are many women silently suffering from their choice.
Meeting and finding the support of others is crucial. You need compassionate, nonjudgmental people to come alongside you and help you heal.
Believers in Jesus Christ know that no sin is too great to separate them from the love of God. The scripture says, “Therefore there is now no condemnation (no punishment) for those who are in Christ Jesus,” Romans 8:1
There are Bible studies such as Forgiven and Set Free that can help you face issues like forgiveness, letting go, and acceptance. Project Rachel has groups throughout the United States that assist in healing from abortion.
For the unbeliever, consider Keys to Hope and Healing or Unraveled Roots.
How Can Choices Help Me?
Our caring advocates have been where you are. We understand the importance of finding healing.
We offer a weekly anonymous Zoom group that meets on Sundays at 6:00 p.m. There’s no pressure to participate. You can join at whatever level you are comfortable with.
We can also meet with you in person for one-on-one sessions and connect you with other national support networks.
Please feel free to contact us. We are here for you with practical, physical, emotional, and spiritual support.
Now is the time to begin your healing journey. Connect with us online or call or text us at (423) 266-8322. Healing after your abortion starts here.